I certainly haven’t been shopping for any new shoes
-And-
I certainly haven’t been spreading myself around
I still only travel by foot and by foot, it’s a slow climb,
But I’m good at being uncomfortable, so
I can’t stop changing all the time
– Extraordinary Machine, by Fiona Apple
I am a work in progress
dressed in the fabric of
a world unfolding
offering me intricate
patterns of questions
rhythms that never come clean
and strengths that you
still haven’t seen
-from The Slant, by Ani Difranco
My Mondo Beyondo continues to be in progress… like much of my life… I am getting more comfortable with this state. It seems like a necessity at this point. So this morning I embrace it- I am a work in progress- and that is ok- in fact it is quite good.
Thanks to Ms. Andrea and her Mondo Beyondo I have been inspired to complete the process myself this year.
1. What do you want to acknowledge yourself for in regard to 2007?
(What did you create? What challenges did you face with courage and strength? What promises did you keep to yourself? What brave choices did you make? What are you proud of?)
I am proud that I taught in another country. That Jon and I were able to move to the UK and live there.
I am also proud that when the time came we were able to leave and come back to the states.
I got paid for something I did creatively in 2007 and that was a first for me and a pretty big deal.
I was mostly able to teach and not let it take over my entire life…. which is also a big deal for me. I still took work home, but I got better at being able to let go of the things over which I had no control- focusing the majority of my energies on the things that I could have an effect upon.
2. What is there to grieve about 2007 (2006/2007)?
(What was disappointing? What was scary? What was hard? What can you forgive yourself for?)
It was scary and hard to give up all that I had in the states and move to the UK.
I grieve for the loss of my pets due to this move. They relocated to lovely new homes, but this is still one of the hardest things that I have ever done.
I forgive myself for finding new homes for these creatures- and I believe that it was in their best interest to find new homes instead of being in quarantine.
I am scared that I don’t know what comes after this… not that you ever really do… but I acknowledge the fact that at the end of 2007- I am completely unsure about what comes next- and while that is really cool it is also so fucking scary.
3. What else do you need to say about the year to declare it complete?
I must say- in order to declare 2007 complete- that I know that I did the best that I could. That there are a billion different possibilities and I will always be able to look back and say what if this and what if that… I acknowledge that I am exactly where I need to be. Truly. So, 2007 I declare you complete.
The final step is to consider your primary focus for the year to come. What is your primary intention or theme for 2008? Is it the year of joy? the year of self-care? the year of partnership?
Stand up and say it proud, “2008 is my year of…. daring joy. “
So the year 2007 did not disappoint- it stayed surreal from start to finish and in some odd way I am very grateful for that. Perhaps I will reflect more upon that later, but for now I will leave it at that.
Happy New Year’s wishes to you and yours. Take care and enjoy.
Thinking this morning of why I like teaching and the poem My IQ, by Ani Difranco came to mind… and it, in so many ways, says it all.
My IQ
when i was 4 years old they
tried to test my i.q.
they showed me this picture
of 3 oranges and a pear
they asked me which one
is different and does not
belong
they taught me different
is wrong
but when i was 13 years old
i woke up one morning
thighs covered in blood
like a war like a warning
that i live in a breakable
takable body
an ever-increasingly valuable
body
that a woman had come
in the night
to replace me
deface me
see…
my body is borrowed
yeah i got it on loan
for the time in between
my mom and some maggots
i don’t need anyone to
hold me i can
hold my own
i got highways for stretch marks
see where i’ve grown
i sing sometimes
like my life is at stake
’cause you’re only as loud
as the noises you make
i’m learning to laugh
as loud as i can listen
’cause silence is violence
in women and poor people
if more people were screaming
then i could relax
but a good brain ain’t diddly
if you don’t have the facts
we live in a breakable
takable world
an ever available possible
world
and we can make music
like we can make do
genius is in a backbeat
backseat to nothing
if you’re dancing
especially something
stupid like i.q.
for every lie i unlearn
i learn something new
i sing sometimes for
the war that i fight
’cause every tool is a
weapon
if you hold it
right
© 1993 ani difranco / righteous babe music
Realizing that I have never had real eggnog before (sad, I know) I decided to remedy that situation this year and with the help of Jon (expert whisker and photographer) we now have proper eggnog and a lovely picture of it as well. I used Mr. Alton Brown’s lovely recipe for eggnog and I have to say that I am quite impressed. Initially I thought that I would just buy some eggnog, but I am so glad that I didn’t- because this stuff is wondermous!
First we were all like eggs and milk and then we were all nog, nog, nog.
We have been deep in the midst of nesting in our new home. It seems like a very appropriate thing to do this time of year- nestle in and make a space. It has been lovely and I am learning a lot from the process.
Aside from the fact that this has been the year of the surreal- it has also been a year marked with learning. The pleasant part of this is in the contrast to other times in my life where I have learned a lot- this learning has not come at a high price. The year has been a calm and comforting teacher saying things like… “Well, have you thought about it this way..” instead of toppling me over and for this I am thankful.
As we approach Winter Solstice and the end of this year I begin to look back on all that has passed and also I am looking forward to the road that lies ahead.
So, we are nesting and I am doing lovely things with my time like cooking yummy soup and sitting around and staring at large oak trees in the sun, sipping large mugs of tea and cocoa, and just generally enjoying this time- for there is, I am sure, I lesson to be learned in that as well.
Happy Winter Solstice to you and yours.
I like the time that thanksgiving affords to reflect on what one is thankful for- giving thanks during any time of the year is an excellent way to thank the universe for all your blessings. It is also an excellent way to remember all those blessings.
This year I am thankful for many things, so I shall try to name a few…
A warm roof over my head.
A loving partner to share adventures with.
Good friends and family.
Taking time to enjoy this.
Good health.
Wonder and awe in day to day life.
The urge to play and create.
What are you thankful for this year?
Feeling quiet. Enjoying the cooler temperatures and the sun here in Georgia. I missed this deep blue sky while we were in London. It happens here a lot… more than it should I suppose since we need rain, but I am enjoying it none the less.
I sat in the sun today and finished reading Madame Bovary– I don’t feel forever changed- the way that Doctor McClaughlin said I would be, but oh well, it was a good story. Is that a sort of blasphemy, for an English major- to call Madame Bovary a good story? Perhaps…
I get it… I just don’t particularly care- She was bored. She thought love and life should be more. So, she created turmoil… it became too much- she expired (after eating way too much arsenic). C’est le vie.
jen h mont 